I've gotten more advice than I can handle from my girlfriends -- I think I need a male opinion:

I was dating this guy last month, and everything seemed to be going really well.  We had incredible conversations, the physical chemistry was there, and I was really enjoying getting to know him.  Then suddenly -- out of nowhere -- he tells me he doesn't think things are working out, and we should just be friends.  I was in shock, but I stayed cool and tried to get him to tell me what was wrong.

Based on what he told me, it sounds like he kind of freaked himself out.  He named a few concerns, but the biggest reason he gave for ending things with me:  he doesn't make very much money, and that really messes with his self-esteem.  In fact, he basically said that it bruised his ego every time I helped to pay for dates.  He admitted to being a bit old-fashioned (he's a few years older than I am), and acknowledged that this is totally his own hang-up -- not something I'd done wrong. 

I'm not really sure how to react to this.  I always thought that guys preferred women who AREN'T gold-diggers and DON'T expect the men in their lives to pay for everything!  I'm pretty poor myself, but I still would've insisted on paying for half of our dates even if he had been wealthy -- it's just the way I was raised.  Besides, I'm not a very high-maintenance girl and we didn't do really expensive things together: we'd occasionally go to a movie, or get a pizza and watch a DVD.  As I said before, I'M POOR TOO; I know what it's like to have to stick to a budget.  I certainly never expected him to shell out a lot of money -- I just wanted to enjoy his company, and I told him that.  All the same, we broke up.

Before anyone else mentions it, I DO understand that a lot of men feel like they have to "be the breadwinner" and make something for themselves before they're ready to settle down.  But we weren't at the 'settling down' point yet -- we just dating.  Besides, this guy's goal in life is to be a writer; he's probably NEVER going to earn him a lot of money.  So if he's that determined to be rich before getting involved with anyone, he's going to be single forever!  And that would be a shame, because he's a good person and we have a great time together -- we still chat occasionally, and every time we do I have to ask myself, "what went wrong???"  This whole situation seems absurd!

I don't want to be the crazy ex-girlfriend that can't let go, but I really like and miss him.  I almost hate that I'm asking this, but is there any way I can convince this guy that breaking up with me was a mistake? That it doesn't matter how much money he makes, and he and I deserve a chance?

I appreciate the advice guys

I totally understand your suspicion that he's lying to spare my feelings, because that was my first instinct too.  I figured that he HAD to be lying, because the reasons he gave were almost ridiculous!  But having gotten to know this guy a little bit, I've learned that he's pretty guileless.  He doesn't really know HOW to lie, to ANYONE about ANYTHING -- every time he's tried in the past, he felt so guilty that he almost immediately came clean.

Also, there is no other girl.  As I mentioned before, he and I still keep in touch and I know he isn't dating anyone.   When he broke things off with me, he actually told me there is no one else -- the problem isn't me specifically, it's that he's not ready to date ANYONE (again, because of the money issue and a couple other insecurities).  This guy is in his late 30's, and he spends a lot of time at home by himself.

I really care about this person, and I'm so afraid that he's going to end up one of those lonely old men who lives alone and never leaves the house, and doesn't realize that he's let his life pass him by until it's too late.  If there's anything I've learned, it's that life is short and there's no sense in waiting for the things you want -- and I guess that's my dilemma:  how do I tell him that?  Is there a tactful, non-threatening way to make him see that his neurotic fears are hurting both him and me?

maybe he feels unworthy of your blossoming love, the money thing is just an excuse, seriously! he might just be on of those damaged people who cannot allow themselves to be loved. it's nothing you have done.  Either he's the wrong guy or it's just the wrong time in his life for this either way, try to move on and give your heart to someone who knows how precious it is to find someone to love.

I can understand both points of view at this juncture, and so I'll take this opportunity to play devil's advocate. As I have gotten a bit older I've begun seriously thinking about the future and the possibility of settling down and the costs of doing so. This being said, I have been very wary of starting any serious relationships until I get my own ducks in a row. However, it would not prevent me from shying away if I met someone truly fantastic, money wouldn't matter. So what it really boils down to is this; if he really plans to go down the road to a profession that has the very real possibility of not paying very much and he really doesn't feel confident in being able to pay for everything for his date, why date you in the first place? He knew going into it that he didn't make much. So in all honesty I have to say one of two things happened. Either he isn't into it and came up with a line that would both diminish hurt to you and make you feel bad for him, or he panicked, he had a vision of you being the one and he freaked because he can't afford that and he would want to be able to afford it. Either way, you have to decide for yourself whether or not he's worth putting this much thought and effort into even after he broke up with you. Because no matter which way you cut it, he DID break up with YOU. Anyway that's just my two cents hope that's helpful. Oh, and another thing I've learnt is to never take relationship advice from your friends with women and their girlfriends especially, 90% of the time it does more harm than good. I have a lot of female friends and have witnessed this first hand on MANY occassions. Take the advice into consideration but don't let them sway your decision, make it yourself.