So my friend Brad has liked me since high school. I am currently 24 years old and not now nor have I ever liked him in return. I have always been very honest and upfront about how we will never be anything more than friends. He has dated many people in the past couple of years and we have been on again off again friends for the past 4 years. The other night a couple of friends went out to the bar and I met one of his friends, he said that Brad talks about me all the time & is in love with me.

To make matters worse, I have known Brad's friend Alan for a couple of years. we have always been friends and I have always adored him but nothing more than a friend. Recently I have developed feelings for him. Brad found out and told Alan and he said that he was into the idea. One night we all went out and Alan and I were flirting. I  overheard the boys talking and Alan was asking Brad if it was ok to like me. And Brad said that it was ok and he had already told him that it was ok to go through with it. So Alan started texting me and being a lot more touchy and just generally more interested in me.

I talked to Brad and he said that Alan is convinced that I like him and if I wanted to be with Alan I would have to make the first move bc Alan said out of respect for Brad he wouldnt make the first move. So it is weird that Brad is getting involved at all but he told me that it was weird because he has liked me in the past but he said that it was ok. But he also said that he hopes it doesnt turn bad bc if it gets awkward & he had to stop talking to someone, it would be me since Alan is his really good friend. I just found that really odd that he would even feel the need to mention that. I just indicated that I wanted to just go with the flow of things and let things happen naturally. And then at the end of all this he says well basically I know nothing will happen because we just killed all the magic by talking about it. Again, why feel the need to say that .

So basically I just dont know what to do. To be honest, I feel like I have already been the initiator in this and I think Alan needs to step up his game.  But at the same time, Is it even worth it? I like Alan but I do not want to make things awkward. Advice? please?

I would not worry about Brad or what he said.  It sounds like he has disconnected a bit which is healthy and he would have to take his buddies side if something did happen.  sounds perfectly normal in my opinion as a guy.


There is nothing wrong with you throwing out some signs or expressing interest, but it is Alans job to initiate as well, not just all in your court.

I say go for it and let the cards lay where they lay.  Perhaps the best thing would be for you to hang with Alan without Brad being around as I think that would be a bit weird to have him there etc.


let us know what happens!

very good, sounds like a good situation after all